i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
