the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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