I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
