I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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