I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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