if you like me you must not know who I am
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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