I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
