You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize