I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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