Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
