I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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