I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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