Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
