I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
