My hand turned me down
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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