he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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