I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
