We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
