Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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