we're chasing vodka with high fives
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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