Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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