So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
