One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Come on in and take your pants off
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
