ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
