I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
