doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
