he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
