I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize