Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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