bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
