I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
