Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
