just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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