I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize