never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
