Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
