I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
