okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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