just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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