just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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