I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
