And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
