I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
