Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
