he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
