is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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