im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
