You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
