all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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