i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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