I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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