I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
