i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
