Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm bleeding and have questions
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
