Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
