Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize