I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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