i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
