i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
