I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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