Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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