There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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