Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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