I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
