Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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