So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize