This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
