Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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