I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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