I look better un-naked...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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