i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
