Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize