Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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