the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
