I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
