please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
