she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
