do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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