I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
