I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
