we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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