Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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