When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize