Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
