i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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