you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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