get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
