Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
