it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
