Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
