Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
