sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
