Pappa wants mamma naked
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
