i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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