Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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