Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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