It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
