he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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