He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I want to fling myself into the sun
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
