bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The ass gains better be worth it
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